Not Much New Here.

Since I've been on a forced break from fertility, I've figured out a few important things.
1. I really like to cook when I have time.
2. I don't miss the shots and the early morning appointments, but I do miss making progress on my goal to get pregnant.
3. I've told a few more people.
4. I've managed not to cry or get all weird about a few people that either have announced pregnancy or given birth-mostly random co-workers. One thing that bothered me to find out that my sister's childhood childhood friend and former neighbor is pregnant. I think she blocked my facebook to spare me the details. Suddenly, my sister came to visit for the shower and she was already 7 months pregnant....a little sketchy if you as me but I don't care. FInding out people are pregnant is neutral to me. It's not about them, it's clearly my issue and I am getting better about it.
5. I'm back to swimming but not running. Well I did run a few times but I'm not back into my program.
6. Due to some family issues, I have not been packing lunches as I wanted to...but I have been making better choices and trying to eat out less.
7. I cannot for the life of me give up caffeine. I'm down to 2 cups in the morning, half caff. Not bad but not great.
8. I went for my followups for both sleep study and also found out my thyroid is out of whack.....dealing with both of these things will help me get healthier and thinner.
9. At the end of October, we begin another round of IUI with injectibles.

Back to School, Back to Being Me.

We started school this week. I am excited and nervous at the same time. The first day back was stupid meetings and I felt very overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to do this year and the mounting pressure of things. I need to relax and take one day at a time.

I went to my post-op appt with my least favorite doctor, but it went well. I am healing nicely. Bad news is, no running or heavy lifting for 2 more weeks. I tried to run last week and I hurt so bad all over. Just to let you know it has been 3 weeks today since surgery and my instructions said resume all daily activities after 3-5 days, so I was confused. I am ready to run and swim again when I am able. Bad news they won't let me cycle in September, but in October. I don't get my AF until about the 22nd so it feels SO far away. I was upset about that for a day or two until I realized that I need to get back to my fitness level, take care of my other health issues, improve my diet, and reduce stress. HA. Well, one thing at a time.

I took the bull by the horns and went to my sleep study results. I have sleep apnea and will have to go back to be fitted for my mask and everything. I have been avoiding this for...months and years. I did not want to admit that I have this health problem but I needed to take care of it. I cannot seem to lose any weight and I cannot seem to ever get rested. I wake up with headaches, drowsy during day, snore loudly, wake up choking. My dad (who is tall and thin, very healthy) has a sever case of sleep apnea too and he begged me to go and find out. He believes my grandfather and great aunt also had it undiagnosed. He died at 69 of heart disease. Also heavy but no other health issues. I am determined to get some rest and feel better about myself. I have almost 2 months until my next cycle. I can do this.

I also went back to the gym. I got a huge hug from my former trainer. The girls at the front desk greeted us and it was nice to get past that avoidance thing. All the girls I trained with last winter and spring did the Iron Girl and half marathons this past month. I KNOW I could have done it too. I need to get myself to a place of peace and organization and confidence. I am just treading water...waiting until THAT moment I am pregnant to begin life. I need to stop procrastinating goals like this. This journey of infertility has made me hit the pause button on so many things in my life. No more shutting down, no more pity parties for me. I need to move and keep moving.