Mrs. Basket Case

We got our meds in the mail. It was seriously two HUGE boxes. Some of the items had to be refrigerated. Now I completely understand why infertility bloggers take photos of their meds- the sheer amount is overwhelming! We had our appointment VERY EARLY on Saturday morning. It was supposed to be my first day off for summer but instead we went off to the wonderful fertility center. Our nurses are all very wonderful. Not so much the ones on the phone, but the ones in the actual office are warm and helpful and encouraging. It doesn't really make it any better. You still know when you enter that place that every woman is going through the same thing. It is really sad to me. There are some really nice couples- they look like the kind that deserve a little baby and would make great parents. The waiting room has big comfy couches and chairs and coffee and tea and all kinds of books and things. It still doesn't make it better.

I have so much anxiety that I am thinking about speaking to my regular doctor about it. I get so upset and afraid of every little thing. I do not think that is normal. I want this so badly that it hurts. I think it is a cross between anxiety and slight depression. I am not suicidal or anything like that- just don't feel much like doing anything or going anywhere except work. Even that got hard near the end of the year.

The injections are given every night before bed, or around the same time every night. There are two shots that must be drawn out with a syringe and one that is a pen. My husband has to prepare all that stuff and them administer the shots. I have a huge fear of needles- I get dizzy when I see them come near me. The blood draws at the office every time make me feel the same way but they hurt more. So far the shots went well for the first two days. I think he feels so bad afterwards for "hurting" me. He stops and gives me hugs and is practically in tears too. He says I am getting better with the needles overall. I am sorry I am such a basket case.

So I am going to remain positive and try not to worry so much. I am trying to envision this all being worth it.