Days of Summer

I had a great day today and I feel more like myself every day. I had a great haircut and it took a little more time to straighten, but it was worth the boost to feel better. I highly recommend that everyone get a good hairstylist that makes you feel good about yourself. She also did my eyebrows which ended up looking MUCh better!!! haha I always let them go about 2 weeks before my hair appointments so that she can take care of them.

I cleaned out the garage more. I cleaned out the trunk of my car. I cleaned the kitchen and put away all the extra CRAP. I wiped down the inside of my car, mowed the lawn, weedwhacked, blew the clippings away. I swept the garage and vacuumed the dog hair from the floor and corners. I washed both dog beds. I cleaned both bathrooms and then watched Real Housewives for an hour and passed out! I was a maniac today!

I went out to lunch with a friend. It was a very late lunch and we went to Indian food. Husband won't go with me, so I went with her. I was excited to be out and about.

I am going running tonight. I feel good. I need to get back to business and get back to the gym too.

Little Steps

I drove today! I went out to lunch with my husband and later I had to go to a hair appointment. It felt weird to drive and my car settings were all messed up from where he drove me home in my car from the hospital- it was a smaller vehicle to park downtown and seemed easier to get in and out of after surgery. I only had to go about a mile away to my hair appt but it was still nice to have freedom again.

I got my hair done too. I got highlights and lowlights and had it straightened. I know my hair appts are usually expensive but I feel like a million bucks!!

The NYS Fair starts tomorrow. I am sad that the end of summer is near. I still have almost 2 weeks off before school starts again, so that is good.

I am healing. Slowly and surely.

Visit from My Mom!

This is just what I needed to feel better, honestly! My mother was away during surgery. She was on a pre-planned vacation with my sister and husband and their two little kids to Disney for the week. My surgery was moved up a week due to my cycle, or my mom would have been able to be here. They had planned the vacation a year in advance, so there was really nothing I could do or say. I had no idea 4 weeks ago that I would have to have surgery, and there was no real reason for me to postpone. After all, we really don't want to waste any more time. I will be 40 in December. :(

Moving forward...I can start a cycle around the middle of September. I am hopeful it will work. I'm sure they will have me do another cycle of IUI with Lupron again. We had a great cycle last time except the side effects at the end. My estrogen was 1300 before trigger and they said everything else looked good on my blood work. The main problem was they could not see anything from the ultrasounds- there was something blocking and they could pretty much never get a good picture of my ovaries on either side. They even tried putting the wand into my belly button and looking down- boy was that uncomfortable! It is all making sense now as they said the fibroid was near the top of the uterus towards the right side, the only side I've had eggs so far. That big round mass was taking up space and probably blocking up the works. I probably DID have eggs. They might have come down and fertilized and never attached, or they were not able to meet up with each other in order to create an egg. So I am very hopeful that was the MAIN problem and now it is gone. I do not expect everything to go smoothly, I am just able to be more positive today.

I still have some pain near my belly button. I think it was slightly infected from the laparoscopy. It was very pink and hurt quite a bit. But I never got a temperature over 99 and it did not bleed or do anything except ache. Today it hurts slightly, like I did too many crunches or was punched in the gut. I can end over to reach something on the floor (there's plenty of laundry piled up) with a little better ease today, but I am not going to push it. I am going to let my mom drive me around and do a few errands. Maybe we can do a little crafting.

The main thing I have been working on is clearing out the back bedroom to make a baby nursery. It has taken me 8 years to consider this. Before the surgery, I began organizing my stuff and deciding what stays and goes. It is a big step for me...to BELIEVE and to PLAN. It will feel good when my mom gets here to spend time and help me.

Reaching...

Today my goal was to shave my legs...good Lord! I did a decent job enough, so I was happy. I ran out of comfy shorts to wear so I had to ask for help with the laundry. My mother in law was here helping and that was OK but somewhat awkward. Towards the end when she left I appreciated the help so much. On day 2, my husband came home for lunch and I burst into tears. I hadn't felt good at all in the morning. The nurse called to check on me and told me to take the pain pills, so I did take one to rest. My abdominal muscles are still very sore. I had one incision that came open the first night. I think it was because I bent over to pick up something in the bathroom of the hospital- I know, I know, but I was just embarrassed. As much as I have been in pain and a big baby about things, I definitely feel better today. I had a hard time sitting at breakfast as my waist and belly button hurts so bad. It is not red and infected anymore, so I think I am in the clear.
I want my house back, my dogs to snuggle, my shows on the TV, not worry about looking normal for my guests, and to be able to reach my toes soon without weird pains. So far, I'm getting there. Now if there was an imaginary laundry fairy. Tomorrow my mom comes to visit so that is nice.

Laparoscopy

Well, I made it to the other side of this procedure. I had it done two days ago. I had a very tough time with getting the IV in the arm. They hit me up 3 times in my left hand and wrist and then finally struck gold in my right wrist, on the TOP of the wrist. Awful. I cried the whole time and wished they had let my husband back, even just to hold my hand. They also sent me in early that morning to have a HCG test, what an insult. I usually have alot of anxiety about the blood draw and needles so this was no different. I had so much anxiety about the size of my gigantic fibroid but to be honest they said it was smaller than an orange. I was so upset on my last appointment when the nurse doing the ultrasound said, "Oh my, it's TAKING OVER IN THERE!" and then showed me the screen where it looked like a huge moon pie. It was NO FUN at all, let me tell you. The doctor told husband that the fibroid was at the top of my uterus. It was probably blocking my tubes and getting in the way. He said they removed it and everything looked clear. Husband asked if the fibroid would come back and the good doctor said that 20% chance in 5 years they will come back, but by then I will have my babies.

My procedure went fine and I am home recovering. Instead of stitches, they used glue so I don't have to go back in a week like usual. I did take the pain pills at first but am terrified of that type of medicines, so today I weaned off it and I probably should have taken one today to rest. It has been very hard to move around due to the abdominal muscles. They made 3 small incisions and also put a scope in my belly button. Yesterday I slept alot and could hardly even sit up to watch TV. Today I woke up feeling like someone had put ginsu knives in my belly and scrambled everything! The other problem was I could not...well go to the bathroom. It was painful but eventually it all worked out. I am getting stronger and feeling better. My mother in law is here taking good care of me as my husband had to go back to work yesterday. I am hoping to get out of the house tomorrow.

I will have to wait 4-6 weeks until I can start another cycle. I am going to be positive. I am going to get back in shape. I am going to take better care of myself.

I'll Take the Good with the Bad.

I did not get pregnant on this round of IUI with injectables. It was a hard cycle but I made it and I am ultimately proud of myself. I overcame many many fears and anxieties surrounding the needles and the side effects of the meds. I did very well and although I am upset it did not work, I know that I have the strength to DO THIS. I am re-grouping and getting ready for surgery. The fertility clinic has recommended I have laproscopic surgery to remove any fibroids I have. The worst part is they told me and then when the nurse called to schedule it...they said I have to have it at the hospital instead of the doctor's office due to the size of the fibroid. I was crushed. I mean laying on the ground crying and shaking crushed. Why did they not tell me that I had a huge fibroid before I went three rounds? I am left answering that questions.

In the meantime, I am back to my running and biking and feeling better about myself. I know I will fight the good fight to take the chance that I can someday be a mommy. I am going to be positive and hope for the best.